so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
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Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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