Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
