Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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