put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
