Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
