Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
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We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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