is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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