We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
