So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
