you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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