porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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