I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
