Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
