my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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