If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
