Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
