road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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