Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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