Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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