He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
