is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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