This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
