i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
