I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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