My room smells like vodka and shame
I faked an abortion last night.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
