I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
