I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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