just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
