Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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