I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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