it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
