I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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