the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
