Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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