I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm sobbing to NWA
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
