That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
