I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
