i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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