he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
