Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I currently don't understand fingers.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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