when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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