Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
