is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
