Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
