Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
