remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
