Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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