My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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