I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
