After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We need to get me chipped asap
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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