i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
do nipples grow back?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
