Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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