In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
