I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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