apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
