Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Randomize
