Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
