Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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