I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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