I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
