why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
