Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
