Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
