Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
