Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So much rum. So many feels.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
