Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it's like heaven, but drunker
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
