if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
