Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
