My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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