i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
