I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
