You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We are two peas in an std pod
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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